© 2008 Starla Criser
The herd trailed mindlessly after “Queen” Elsie from the warm confines of the barn into yet another blustery cold January morning. Elsie ruthlessly followed the old postal rules of “neither rain, nor sleet, nor hail” etcetera, etcetera, and etcetera. Dumbest Jersey ever, in Blossom’s opinion.
Shaking her head at their nonsensical behavior, Blossom turned away from the barn door. Give her a fifty-something degree day, blue skies, bright sunshine, the smell of spring in the air and she’d be racing by that train line of bovines heading out to the pasture. Until then she would be pretty darn choosy about when she set her dainty hooves out of this warm, clean barn.
The love of her life, her diamond in the rough, Ferdinand, rumbled into her thoughts. Her massive lover could entice her to leave the warm comfort of the barn. Okay, she’d make a quick trip at least once a week until warmer days abounded out to the pasture to share a sensual side rub or head nuzzle or… But it would be quick. No way was she freezing her hooves off by hanging outside all day like the rest of the herd. He’d understand, dear bull that he was.
For now, she had a whole glorious day all to herself. She glanced around the large area. What to do first? Stroll back to her stall for a morning nap? Nah, she wasn’t really tired.
Grab a snack? Farmer Sam had given them an extra ration of feed from a big bag last night. Evidently he had a surplus supply. He’d told the herd that they’d need to eat extra in order to store up energy for dealing with the colder days. With the way the others had gorged themselves, she thought it a wonder they hadn’t hopped out of the barn this morning like energized bunnies. Of course, she hadn’t “gorged” down more than a simple share of the feed. She’d made New Year’s resolutions again this year. One of them being to trim down a tad, say maybe five or ten pounds. No use going nuts with the whole dieting thing. But she did like to maintain a certain sexy girth for Ferdinand. So, no, a snack was out…at least for an hour or so.
She put her thinking cap on again and ambled to the side of the stalls. Maybe she could write down some of those resolutions? If she had some paper and a gel pen… Well, she had hooves, not hands with opposable thumbs. So writing was out. She wasn’t completely helpless, though, when it came to dealing with those resolutions. Hadn’t she heard once that if you wanted to remember something, you just had to repeat it out loud three times? Yeah, she could try that method.
She raised her head and began a brisk lap around the barn while she moo-talked her list: “Watch my calories. Watch my calories. Watch my calories.” Oh, that was a good start, she told herself. And look how good she was doing already this morning. Only one ration of feed, so far. And here she was burning those calories right off in a nice quick trot.
“Buff up with brisk walks. Buff up with brisk walks. Buff up with brisk walks.”
She was on her second lap around the barn, starting to feel light-headed, getting a hitch in her side. Whew! This buffing up stuff was harder than she thought. Maybe she needed to modify that resolution a little, and slow her pace.
“Exercise sensibly. Exercise sensibly. Exercise sensibly.” Sensibly meaning slow walks out to the pasture. This doing laps around the barn was exhausting. Ferdinand wouldn’t want her to get worn out. He’d totally understand, after all his speed often appeared to be just faster than a worm slithering over the ground. Unless he was irritated by whatever, or unless he had a serious need to get to her. Then that big boy could move!
She knocked her pace down to barely moving, trying to catch her breath. Maybe she’d limit the exercise thing to a slight front leg bend once a month, a few neck stretches.
There it was: her stall. At last. If she took it slowly, she just might make it back there for a much needed rest from all this exercise.
Oh, wait! There were still a few pieces of grain in Elsie’s part of the trough. They would be stale by the time the herd returned late in the day. It was her duty to keep that from happening. Besides, all those laps had caused both of her stomachs to start quietly rumbling. That wasn’t good.
She darted over to the trough and snagged the grain, sighing in contentment as she swallowed them once, twice. So much for watching those calories. Stupid idea anyway.
Heading at a more sensible slow pace, Blossom went to her stall. Okay, she’d abandon all of those dumb diet and exercise related resolutions. She settled into her favorite corner and stated thrice the only resolutions she’d come up with that really made sense: “Find new ways to annoy Elsie. Find new ways to annoy Elsie. Find new ways to annoy Elsie.”
With a smile of longing, she again thought of Ferdinand and repeated the other resolution, “Have hot, melt-your-hooves sex as often as possible. Have hot, melt-your-hooves sex as often as possible. Have hot, melt-your-hooves sex as often as possible.” Oh, definitely, that was the best resolution of them all!
